i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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