last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
