If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
