I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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