Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Text me some of your sweat
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
