New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
