You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
