he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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