The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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