I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
