To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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