There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
