If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
