ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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