Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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