Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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