I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
