just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
