Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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