Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
