Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
