I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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