First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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