New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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