Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
