i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
