Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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