I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
