I love black thongs
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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