Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
