Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
