My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
