OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
