I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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