Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
