'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
This house was built for laser tag.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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