I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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