Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
