I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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