Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We are two peas in an std pod
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
