You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Everything about him screamed your future.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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