the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
