I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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