Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
