How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
