that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
