Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
