my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
