The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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