There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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