I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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