so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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