There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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